Carien Touwen is the author of the story bundle "Losse draden" (Loose threads). This story bundle contains twelve stories in varied themes and styles. The rights to the English translation of this book are available. You can read the English translation of the story "Sangoma" here as an example of her writing style in this book.
For more information you can contact the author by email : Carien Touwen

All hope was gone. Nothing surrounded me except for some dead bushes and dried brown grass that hung limp towards the earth. The sun was still shining, but was losing strength quickly. Soon she would be overpowered by the cold night. Far away I could see the red dot of my car. I had no idea why I had walked this far. I just couldn't stand waiting anymore. My mobile phone had no reception, why in Gods' name had I thought that I might be more lucky further into the desert. I could kick myself for this kind of stupidity. Why had I left the highway in the first place? Why had I not checked if there was enough petrol in the car? But the urgent desire to be away from the busy city life had resulted in me forgetting to take any of my normal precautions. Now I was stuck in the middle of the Kalahari Desert.
The bottle of water that I always kept in my car had been empty for hours. I really should be heading back now. In utter despair I looked at the screen of my mobile phone. No network to be found. Angrily I scuffed my way back.
Was there anything in the car that could help me? How far was the highway from here? I could not remember how long I had been driving along the dust road before my car broke down. The sun had disappeared by the time I reached the car again. Twilight caused a beautiful red glow over the barren countryside. In the back of my car I found a plaid blanket. I also had a lighter. Maybe I should look for wood to start a fire. The darkness of the night was coming rapidly now. I hurried. Out of breath I searched for some big rocks and dug a small hole. The sky was pitch-black and I looked up gratefully at the almost full moon that ensured me of seeing at least something. I shivered. It was getting quite cold. I needed more wood. The dried grass would not be enough for a whole night. Furiously I looked for more branches. Why had I not thought of this before? I ripped a bush apart.
Thorns bit my fingers but I hardly felt it. The fire had to be started. A cloud slowly moved in front of the moon. Quickly I piled up all the assembled grass between the rocks. The lighter sputtered small sparks.
'No! You have to work,' I yelled. Suddenly there was a big flame. I hurriedly stuck it into the dried grass. Gone was the fire. Nervously I flicked the plastic thing again.
'Work with me,' I hissed. Finally it worked. Carefully this time I pushed the flame against the grass. It immediately caught. Relieved I put in more of the found branches. Greedily the fire took the dried wood and soon a crispy warmth filled the air. I ripped some brushes from the earth and made a small pile. I had not found any really thick branches, so I had to stay awake all night to keep this fire going. But for now I could rest for a little while. I took the blanket from the car and found a wrapped chocolate on the floor. If I had not know any better, this would have a been a very special setting. Tomorrow things would be all right again. As soon as the sun came up I would walk back to the highway and stop a car there. Hopefully my mobile phone would have reception there. I sighed. What a fool had I been. Driving through the desert.
I heard a sudden movement. In total shock I looked up, but could not see anything through the radiating fire. It was probably an animal. Diligently I poked around in my memory. What kind of animals lived here again? Snakes especially, those I had to look out for, right? I couldn't remember anymore.
Out of nowhere I saw a pair of eyes through the glowing fire. I tried to focus. The eyes did not move, but were looking straight at me. Was this for real?
'Hello, is somebody there?' I called out.
The eyes blinked. They were real. I jumped up in a defensive pose.
'Who are you and what are you doing here?'
Now the eyes moved. A silhouette came walking towards me around the fire. It was a short skinny man, his frizzy hair was covered with a net of black and white beads, which glittered in the glimmer of the fire. Around his neck he wore a pouch made of animal skin. On his hip was a knife in its sheath. He did not seem to have other weapons. My legs were trembling severely. This man was without a doubt a member of the Khoisan tribe, the so-called bushmen of the Kalahari Desert, and I felt instinctively that he was their most important man. He had a certain authority that immediately gained respect.
He was the sangoma, the man that had knowledge of the spiritual world and with extraordinary powers to heal and intervene on behalf of the tribe 'You have made a safe fire,' he spoke suddenly, 'but why are you here?'
'I am stranded here without petrol, I can't go any further.'
He was silent and studied the red car intensely. After a long time he spoke again.
'Why were you driving through the desert?'
I didn't know what to answer. That my busy life was making me completely mad? That Cape Town no longer felt like home? That I was in need of contemplation and rest? Is that what he wanted to hear? I had no destination, I had no purpose. All I wanted was to be away from everything.
'I .. don't actually know. I had to go away. To set my mind free for a while.'
The sangoma remained silent. My mind was racing. Should I have said more?
Why didn't he answer? Seconds seemed longer than minutes. He stood there without moving, even his eyes didn't blink. Then suddenly he sat down and warmed his hands on the weakening fire.
'Get more wood,' he instructed. I was rushing already. Would he really stay with me? What could I tell this man? Could he be trusted? Suddenly I tripped over a stack of big branches. How could I have missed these before? I piled as many as I could in my arms and walked back to the fire. I put the wood down close to the sangoma. Did he really smile or was I imagining that? He chose one of the branches and weaved it into the fire. He nodded at me to get the rest as well. I rushed again. The chilly air gave me goose bumps and I realised how unique this meeting was. These people never looked for contact, they lived a very remote and withdrawn life. I came back with the rest of the branches in my arms. The fire was spattering hot and high flames. I covered myself with the blanket and sat down at the other side of the pile of wood. For minutes I stared silently into the flames and welcomed their warmth on my body.
'There is no coincidence,' the sangoma murmured. I nodded my head in agreement. He threw some powder in the fire. The flames started to dance beguilingly, like they were the main act in a show. My pupils dilated and I felt my body glide into a divine relaxed state. All of a sudden I looked down upon myself from outside my body. Countless images flashed through my mind. My house, my work, my group of friends. My adolescent years, my childhood, my birth. My whole life was streaming past like a movie running in reverse. I saw clearly how far my current way of life was from who I really am. Nothing I did was done from the heart, I did everything by rote.
I didn't believe enough in myself. Where had I gone wrong in my past? What could I change? What was I really supposed to do? It all became very clear.
I was not supposed to stay here, my future lay in a different country.
Images of a distinguished bridge. I recognised it immediately. I had saved the picture on my computer. The Tower Bridge. I had to go to London. It was time to move on. Now I remembered the job opening that had slipped unnoticed into my mailbox yesterday. A job in the hospital there. That was my new chance. How could I have missed it?
I shivered from top to bottom and opened my eyes. The fire was almost dead; the pile of wood had disappeared. The horizon already showed the red glow of the rising sun. How had the night come to pass so quickly? In shock I glanced next to me, was it all a dream? But the sangoma was still sitting there in the same position. Now he was smiling for sure. Did you enjoy that, his eyes seemed to say. I beamed back with a surrealistic feeling in my stomach. Had this really happened? The sangoma rose gradually. He spoke without moving his lips. His voice was in my head.
'It was an honour to meet you. Have a safe trip home and good luck in London.'
Home? How do I get home?
He pointed at the pocket in my jacket. I put my hand in and retrieved my phone. Completely surprised I looked at the screen. I was connected to the network without any problems. Relieved I dialed my parents' phone number. My dad had always been up early and answered wide awake.
'Daddy, I am stuck without petrol. I need your help.'
My father immediately started ranting about irresponsibility. I silently listened and turned around. The fire was finished. The sangoma was gone.
Horrified I turned around again and again. I had not even thanked him. But he was nowhere to be seen, even though there was not even a tree to hide behind. For a second I started doubting the events, had it really happened?
But the relaxed feeling in my body was so new and pure that I could push the insecurity away without any further doubts. The voice of the sangoma echoed in my mind. 'There is no coincidence.'